But last week when the bus dropped him off, out stepped this intelligent, articulate, thoughtful young man who grows a beard in less time than it takes his father to shave. What kind of growth ray do they have at that school?!

As we sat there on Sunday and I watched my son sitting among 160 of the closest friends he’ll ever know, waiting anxiously for that sheepskin while teacher and administrators offered congratulatory remarks and the top scholars in the class delivered earnest speeches about friendship and hard work and the future, I thought back to all of the graduations I’ve attended since I picked up my own brontosaurus skin back in the ancient days. What would I tell these kids if I had a chance to speak, I wondered?

“DON’T DO IT! GO BACK! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT! IT REALLY IS A MEAN, OLD WORLD OUT HERE AND THERE ARE NO MORE SUMMERS OFF!”

Seriously, though, we know you can’t go backward. You can’t stand still. We can’t freeze time. So as you come to the end of the common road you’ve traveled – in some cases for 13 or 14 years, counting pre-school – you need to think about the road ahead – the one you will travel without your companions. And when you do, think about yellow bricks, because the best analogy I can give you for life comes from Dorothy’s journey to see “The Wizard of Oz.”
Along the way, she found companions and qualities that provide all we really need to succeed, to find a happy life, to find your way back home.

Brains. You’re smart people. Think about that. That diploma you pick up today symbolizes all the knowledge you’ve gained in your school career. Think of all the skills you’ve learned, like algebra. Ok, maybe not algebra. We are sending you out of here today with everything you need to make a worthwhile life, even if you don’t go to college or continue your formal education. You know how to read. You know how to write, you can do basic math and you know, somewhat, how government works. You should be able to balance a checkbook, hold a job, pay your bills.

Heart. Regardless of all the book-smarts you’ll take with you, the things you really need are those things you learned in kindergarten. Kindness, friendship, sharing and caring. Don’t be afraid to care. Caring makes life worth living and the losses you might suffer make the victories so much sweeter. You’re losing the bonds you’ve known most of your life but you will make new, stronger ones that will stay with you much, much longer than these short 13 years.

Bravery. Be confident. Don’t be afraid to take an occasional detour on the “Road of Life.” Take an unknown exit once in a while to see the “world’s biggest ball of string” or “the paper-mache capital of the world.” Let your imagination run away with you and enjoy the trip while you’re gone. Dare to dream. Dreamers are the people who really change the world.

And as you travel your individual road, think about the traits instilled in you over the past 18 years by your parents, educators, clergy, aunts, uncles, neighbors and all of the other alleged adults in your life. There may come a time when you question one of those detours, when you wonder if it really is the best road to take. Then, think back. That’s when you have to let your heart overrule your mind. You’ll know if it is right because it will feel right. If it doesn’t feel right, if you wouldn’t want anyone else to know you did it, chances are it’s not the right road for you.

The other thing I strongly encourage you to do is take time to play. Life is not all about hard work. Smell the roses, to use an old cliché. Watch your own kids get on that bus and watch them get off. Enjoy your time with family, friends and others. We don’t stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing.
OK, that’s it. Get the heck out of here. Your schooling is done, now your education can begin.

Oh, but before you go, I have one more poignant, deep thought to leave you with:
I, personally, have never used algebra.

Joe McDermott is a veteran newspaper reporter in eastern Pennsylvania now working as a freelance writer and media relations consultant. For more on Joe, go to www.writerjoe.com.

If that’s not bad enough, often the things we long for most let us down once we’ve acquired them. That new syllabus, a new publication, or even a long-awaited promotion may fail to satisfy, and like children, we’re tempted to set them aside, certain that only something else in the future will meet our deepest needs, interests or expectations.

I’m not suggesting the future is bunk.  After all, outcome exists at the intersection of preparation and opportunity. If you merely take events as they come with no forward planning, life slips by, leaving you regretting the past and longing for lost opportunities.  Indeed, our vocation as educators is to prepare students for tomorrow’s challenges: he who would be fulfilled constantly must adapt to the future, to paraphrase the Buddha.  This is especially apposite in light of today’s rapid -fire technological and ideological changes.  Having said that, there’s something else we educators should be doing for our students.  It’s teaching them that the greatest gift we have is the gift of the present.  All else is an abstraction.

If the key to the future is the present, we must say to our students take time now to read the books you say you want to read.  Make your mistakes today if you want to avoid them tomorrow.

What application is there for a busy teacher?  Just this: find time to teach, supervise graduate students, and pursue your research projects, but always make time to listen to any student or colleague that comes to your office for a chat. Make this the moment for the people who need you, for tomorrow may be too late.  Above all, never be too busy to pause and wonder.

We are more than mere muscle and synapses. We have souls.  Martin Buber, André Neher, Dorothy L. Sayers, Jürgen Moltmann, Sr. Wendy Beckett, Alister McGrath and Fr. Richard John Neuhaus are but a few distinguished scholars who have made a conscious decision to create a regular time for the numinous in the midst of their busy schedules.  In so doing, they tapped a previously unidentified reservoir which gave them wisdom, peace and a desire to help others in need.  So make time to cultivate your spiritual life now not later.

While that which makes us truly happy may well exist some time in the future, don’t imagine it’s the only tense in which opportunity lies; rich potential exists now.  The worst blunder you can make is to be so distracted by your tomorrows that you miss your todays.   Remember, no time is ever wasted for teachers who recognize that the present is really the obverse of the future.

Is having “friends with benefits” a bad idea for college students? This week’s guest columnist thinks so — and suggests campus counseling centers aren’t doing enough to address the problem.

Do you have a view you’d like to express on a Higher Ed topic? We’d like to hear your opinion. Click here for submission guidelines.

]]> http://www.higheredmorning.com/the-problem-with-friends-with-benefits-2/feed 0 http://www.higheredmorning.com/the-problem-with-friends-with-benefits http://www.higheredmorning.com/the-problem-with-friends-with-benefits#comments Tue, 02 Feb 2010 21:21:12 +0000 Frank Diamond http://www.higheredmorning.com/?p=3686 The views expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of HigherEdMorning.com

Heather was troubled. A normally upbeat 19-year-old college student, Heather had started having crying spells seemingly for no reason. Her grades were good, friends and family supportive. Still…

Miriam Grossman, MD, a psychiatrist at UCLA who began counseling Heather, investigated a little more. She found out, eventually, that Heather had a “friend with benefits” who never wanted to go out to dinner or the movies, things the girl wanted to do. He just wanted, well, what he wanted. “I’m confused,” Heather said, “because it seems like I don’t get the ‘friend’ part, but he gets the ‘benefits.’”

Heather probably doesn’t realize just how lucky she was to have gotten Grossman as a counselor. Grossman knows, and documents in her book, Unprotected, that most of the guidance given college students at campus counseling centers is so locked into a liberal, politically correct mindset that it’s probably useless, and possibly harmful.

Grossman reports on a psychological no man’s land strewn with the bruised psyches of today’s young adults. They are victims of a campus culture in which the dogmas of secular humanism reign. It had never even occurred to Heather that her relationship with the boy might have been harming her. It probably wouldn’t have occurred to most college counselors, either. As Grossman puts it: “Central is the dogma that desires are ‘needs,’ to be acted upon and satisfied; that behaviors that are considered aberrant by society and medicine are natural, while self-restraint is not; that regular sexual behavior – with or without a committed relationship – is necessary and healthy; and that any and all these activities can be free of consequences, as long as they’re ‘protected.’ But believing doesn’t make it so.”

Unprotected focuses primarily on women, because 70 percent of the students who seek help are females trapped in a culture that refuses to acknowledge the inherent differences between the sexes. “Lawrence Summers, ex-president of Harvard, suggested that the minds of men and women may be different,” Grossman writes. “That’s how he became ex-president.”

She knew that her thesis bucked the politically correct sensibilities of campus tenured radicals. She feared professional reprisal so much that the book was printed listing the author as “Anonymous, M.D.” Grossman later decided to reveal her identity on Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s radio program.

She packs a lot into 151 pages (not counting pages of footnotes). She offers case studies of students who don’t realize that their casual hook-ups and spiritual deprivation might – just might – be the reasons for self-mutilation and eating disorders. For any counselor to suggest, for instance, that practicing religion has proven to be a deterrent to depression means bucking the hippie-dippie, loosey-goosey, I’m-OK-you’re-OK-let’s-fornicate culture that counselors too easily capitulate to. Instead of saying that perhaps it might not be healthy to have multiple sexual encounters, the party line is “safe sex.”

However, just making sure that a hook-up won’t lead to pregnancy or venereal disease isn’t enough because it’s becoming clear that, as Grossman puts it, “there is no condom for the heart.”

Grossman cites recent studies about oxytocin, a female hormone that acts as a messenger from the brain to the uterus and breasts “to induce labor and let down milk.” It creates a need to bond that is released during sexual activity and might be the reason women often fall hard for their “friends.” Yet, counseling services do not warn female students that they may be more emotionally vulnerable than their male partners.

“I submit that the notion of being designed to bond is to some an unwelcome finding,” writes Grossman. “It implies that sexual activity, especially in women, might be more complex than, say, working out. . . . Psychology is strongly biased toward liberal views; do the actions of oxytocin threaten the feminist agenda? I can think of no other explanation for the failure of this research to make headlines.”

Another area where campus counselors fail students is the push for HIV prevention. Or HIV hype, rather. Grossman tells the story of Sophia, a film student who finds that her husband cheated on her. Sophia is hysterical, frightened to death that she contracted AIDs because of Ken’s infidelity.

Grossman does the math, starting with the possibility that Ken had sex with an HIV infected woman. It’s remote. She goes further, breaking down all the possibilities to conclude that Sophia’s “chances of being HIV-positive are about 1 in 500 million. And yes, that is less than the risk of her being hit by lightning. What a waste of a nervous breakdown. Poor Sophia is a wreck – and for what? This week from hell happened only because everywhere my patient turns, she’s fed distortions.”

That is, everywhere Sophia turns on campus she sees posters warning that, “anyone can get HIV.” That, says Grossman, may be “technically correct, but profoundly misleading, because all the ‘anybodies’ have widely varying risks of getting it, probably a million-fold differences.”

That some lifestyle choices greatly increase the risk is deemed too politically incorrect to mention. Brian, a gay student who has had multiple partners, isn’t as worried as he should be.

“Brian has told me about his dangerous behavior,” Grossman writes. “As we speak, he may be highly infectious, with a virus level that’s through the roof.” Yet, because of a fear of offending sensibilities, Grossman’s treatment options are limited. She urges him to get tested, or at least tell the man he lives with that he has had other partners. Brian says that he’ll get around to it – someday.

Contrast that with how a foreign exchange student at risk for tuberculosis is handled. “If Tom recently lived with an infected relative and was never screened, I am expected to give him a tuberculin skin test. It it’s positive, he gets a chest X-ray. This is standard medical care. If the skin test and X-ray lead me to suspect that Tom may have tuberculosis, I am obligated by law to report him to the Department of Health, and I have one working day to do so.”
Can you say “double standard?”

Grossman not only asks tough questions throughout, she attempts to answer them. For instance, she devotes a chapter on why college counseling services do not even acknowledge that women and men might feel traumatized after an abortion. This has nothing to do with whether someone is pro- or anti-abortion. It is simply addressing a need.

“Will someone please explain to me, why does psychology, in its quest to identify and counsel every victim of possible child abuse, sexual harassment, or hurricanes, leave no stone unturned, and then go berserk at the suggestion that maybe, maybe, some – not all, but some – women and men hurt for a long, long time after abortion, and they too need our help?”

This is great stuff.

Frank Diamond is a freelance writer in Langhorne, PA.

Are today’s professors apathetic clock-watching lounge lizards? Or are they dedicated professionals who feel progressively undervalued with each passing year?

Take a look at what this week’s guest columnist – a professor – has to say.

(more…)

Do you have a view you’d like to express on a Higher Ed topic? We’d like to hear your opinion. Click here for submission guidelines.

]]> http://www.higheredmorning.com/professors-cry-%e2%80%98we-get-no-respect%e2%80%99/feed 0 http://www.higheredmorning.com/the-profession-that-teaches-all-the-other-professions http://www.higheredmorning.com/the-profession-that-teaches-all-the-other-professions#comments Tue, 05 Jan 2010 07:00:41 +0000 Michael Apichella http://www.higheredmorning.com/?p=3249 Are today’s professors apathetic clock-watching lounge lizards? Or are they dedicated professionals who feel progressively undervalued with each passing year?

Take a look at what this week’s guest columnist – a professor – has to say.

The views expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of HigherEdMorning.com

Teachers change lives and careers, not just writing styles, says bestselling author and editor Janis Kaplan, recalling her professor at Yale, William Zinsser. “Theoretically, books can change lives. But practically, it’s great teachers who do.” Sadly each year many such teachers pack up their briefcases and reenter the job market as consultants, real estate brokers, or a hundred other non-academic professions.

Exactly why they leave is hard to tell. Some say money is the problem. Certainly a person seeking wealth should never become a teacher, for there are few bonuses and pay incentives for even the best in the field.

Speaking as a teacher of over 30 years, I feel that even if we increased professors’ salaries by 15%, it still wouldn’t pay those dedicated men and women what they deserve for educating the next generation of America’s doctors, lawyers, clergy and CEOs, for ours is the prime profession: We teach all the other professions. Without us, civilization would wither on the stem like an autumn rose.

Of course, anyone who’s studied in the United States will know only too well that higher education is rife with apathetic, clock-watching lounge lizards (as many students call their lazy professors on Web sites such as RateMyProfessor.com). We’ve all had one or two like this. They have little empathy for their students. They are capricious, undemanding, and rarely do more than a perfunctory job in the classroom. Some bitterly resent even having to give lectures at all, preferring to indulge in their pet projects. Going back to that 15% pay raise, clearly it would be a waste of other people’s hard-earned money to reward professors who don’t live up to their high calling.

Although the comparatively low salary is a possible reason why many capable teachers opt for new careers, it’s hardly the sole reason. Many simply long for some respect. Garrison Keillor recalls a time when teachers were honored members of the community, distinguished by their commitment to improving the minds of young men and women. In those days, a teacher might not have been liked, but he or she was always respected. These days, it seems to be just the opposite. Many teachers are liked, but few are respected, if not by their students, then certainly not by our culture.

Incredibly, we gladly pay a tall man clad in outsized undergarments an average of $5 million a year for tossing a ball through a hoop, with astronomical salaries at the pinnacle of the profession: Mike Bibby, Atlanta, $14.98 million; Andrei Kirilenko, Utah, $15.1 million; Shawn Marion, Miami, $17.81 million; and Stephen Marbury, N.Y. Knicks, $20.8 million. (The scale goes higher, but lest you feel that these salaries border on the obscene, in a fit of puritanical pique last July the National Basketball Association announced that the salary cap for the 2009-10 season will be $57.7 million). Compare these earnings to that of all postsecondary teachers which in 2006 were an average of $56,120 according to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics. No doubt sports figures give audiences pleasure, but who contributes more to the welfare of society, athletes or teachers?

Perhaps it may be argued that until we reward the contributions made by educators through superior financial compensation, they will continue to be under appreciated and roundly disrespected. Meantime, whenever I meet a colleague planning to leave our profession, I recall Kaplan’s words, turning them over like spare change in my pocket, wondering how many teachers nationwide abscond from the classroom, leaving tomorrow’s citizens in the care of a demoralized corps of professionals who feel progressively undervalued with each passing year.

Michael Apichella holds a B.S. in Education, an M.A. in Communications, and a PhD in English. A professor with the University of Maryland University College, he began his career as a substitute school teacher and coached high school sports in Maryland. Apichella says he has no plans to leave teaching. Ever.

Wendy Shalit got a strange greeting when she visited Swarthmore College earlier this month. Ms. Shalit is the author of Girls Gone Mild, a call to modesty that bucks the ideal of the supposedly “liberated women” celebrated on college campuses.

“As I was walking in for my speech I heard ‘OK, go — do it!’” Ms. Shalit recalled in an e-mail exchange. “I turned around and two girls near me looked at me pointedly and then started to make out, apparently to try to shock me since the rumor on campus was that I was ‘homophobic’ (by virtue of favoring modesty). I’m just curious if the Swarthmore student body typically welcomes gay speakers by choreographing heterosexuals to make out right under the speaker’s nose. My guess is probably not, since that would be considered ‘offensive.’”

The subtitle of Ms. Shalit’s book, Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It’s Not Bad to be Good, is also the theme, and apparently is enough to get you branded all sorts of nasty names at Swarthmore. Ms. Shalit was frequently interrupted, booed, and ridiculed.

Suggest that the hyper-sexual behavior that young women are goaded into these days might not, actually, be physically, emotionally, or spiritually healthy for them, and you’re automatically a target. However, what Ms. Shalit has discovered in speaking across the country is that many girls, in secret, welcome her message.

“There are so many young women who long for a dating scene and simply the right to get to know someone before jumping into bed, and they literally think there is something wrong with them,” says Ms. Shalit. “It’s pretty sad. However, the best part of my book coming out is that one of them started a Facebook group and now the girls who have higher standards can form alliances and know that they’re not alone. There was a girl who was actually considering overdosing on pills because her friends were making fun of her so much when she decided to leave the hookup/party scene — and she started to believe some of the things they were saying about her — but instead she joined our Facebook group and now she has some new friends.”

Any parent of a teenage girl knows what that child faces. The dirty old men who control our television, movie, and music industries continually pummel young women with a hedonistic message. If you choose to not participate in the “I’m OK, you’re OK, let’s fornicate” scene, then there must be something wrong with you.

“There are so many young people out there who value modesty and dignity — but these students tend to be intimidated by a vocal minority who is always on the attack,” says Ms. Shalit.  “I think it’s really key to remember that just because people are outspoken and loud, they don’t speak for everyone — not even the majority necessarily. We tend to forget this in an exhibitionist-driven society.”

Sure enough, a day or two after Ms. Shalit’s speech, the e-mails from Swarthmore students began arriving.

One young woman wrote: “I am not a crazy partier and I consider myself a very strong woman, but I guess I still really needed to know that I am not alone in wanting to be authentic and claim my boundaries. I went out to a party last night and for the first time in a long time I felt like it was okay for me to get dressed up the way that felt good to ME and not because of how other people might think I looked. THAT is what it is to be a truly liberated woman!”

Another said that, “it was really nice to hear you say some things that I identify with, especially the fact that if someone is modest or is waiting for the right guy, it doesn’t mean that they’re uncomfortable with their body or sexuality, a prude, or repressed. That’s something I hear a lot, even if it’s not personally directed to me.”

Another young woman said that she was appalled and ashamed by the rude behavior of her fellow students. “I think that your ideas and the points that you made were so interesting, and this has honestly been the first time I’ve actually heard anyone speak of modesty in such a positive light…. It was really comforting to … learn that there are others dealing with this issue as well.”

Yes, and I’m one of them. As the father of a 15-year-old girl, the perfect ending would be that I bought Girls Gone Mild and my child began reading it. I have ordered the book, but it hasn’t arrived. My sneaky plan has yet to be tested.

However, there’s evidence that it could work. The other night, I picked my daughter up from a friend’s house.

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Watched an old movie.”

“Such as?”

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”

The star, Audrey Hepburn, had made a deep impression on my daughter. The actress was beautiful, elegant, graceful.

“And modest?” I suggested.

No response, but no matter. The seed had been planted.

Frank Diamond is a freelance writer in Langhorne, PA.

Many female college students today feel there’s something wrong with them if they’re unwilling to casually jump into bed with someone. Has the concept of the ‘liberated woman’ gone too far?

This week’s guest columnist thinks it has – and agrees with those who say it’s time for a renewed call to modesty.

(more…)

Do you have a view you’d like to express on a Higher Ed topic?  We’d like to hear your opinion. Click here for submission guidelines.

]]> http://www.higheredmorning.com/making-the-case-for-modest/feed 0 http://www.higheredmorning.com/have-an-opinion-we-want-to-hear-it http://www.higheredmorning.com/have-an-opinion-we-want-to-hear-it#comments Tue, 01 Dec 2009 06:00:17 +0000 Geneva Reid http://www.higheredmorning.com/?p=2991 Our new ‘In My Opinion’ feature lets you sound off on the higher ed topic of your choice.

For more info, see the box on the bottom left of this page. Meanwhile, check out this week’s guest column.

The views expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of HigherEdMorning.com

Making the case for modesty

Wendy Shalit got a strange greeting when she visited Swarthmore College earlier this month. Ms. Shalit is the author of Girls Gone Mild, a call to modesty that bucks the ideal of the supposedly “liberated women” celebrated on college campuses.

“As I was walking in for my speech I heard ‘OK, go — do it!’” Ms. Shalit recalled in an e-mail exchange. “I turned around and two girls near me looked at me pointedly and then started to make out, apparently to try to shock me since the rumor on campus was that I was ‘homophobic’ (by virtue of favoring modesty). I’m just curious if the Swarthmore student body typically welcomes gay speakers by choreographing heterosexuals to make out right under the speaker’s nose. My guess is probably not, since that would be considered ‘offensive.’”

The subtitle of Ms. Shalit’s book, Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It’s Not Bad to be Good, is also the theme, and apparently is enough to get you branded all sorts of nasty names at Swarthmore. Ms. Shalit was frequently interrupted, booed, and ridiculed.

Suggest that the hyper-sexual behavior that young women are goaded into these days might not, actually, be physically, emotionally, or spiritually healthy for them, and you’re automatically a target. However, what Ms. Shalit has discovered in speaking across the country is that many girls, in secret, welcome her message.

“There are so many young women who long for a dating scene and simply the right to get to know someone before jumping into bed, and they literally think there is something wrong with them,” says Ms. Shalit. “It’s pretty sad. However, the best part of my book coming out is that one of them started a Facebook group and now the girls who have higher standards can form alliances and know that they’re not alone. There was a girl who was actually considering overdosing on pills because her friends were making fun of her so much when she decided to leave the hookup/party scene — and she started to believe some of the things they were saying about her — but instead she joined our Facebook group and now she has some new friends.”

Any parent of a teenage girl knows what that child faces. The dirty old men who control our television, movie, and music industries continually pummel young women with a hedonistic message. If you choose to not participate in the “I’m OK, you’re OK, let’s fornicate” scene, then there must be something wrong with you.

“There are so many young people out there who value modesty and dignity — but these students tend to be intimidated by a vocal minority who is always on the attack,” says Ms. Shalit.  “I think it’s really key to remember that just because people are outspoken and loud, they don’t speak for everyone — not even the majority necessarily. We tend to forget this in an exhibitionist-driven society.”

Sure enough, a day or two after Ms. Shalit’s speech, the e-mails from Swarthmore students began arriving.

One young woman wrote: “I am not a crazy partier and I consider myself a very strong woman, but I guess I still really needed to know that I am not alone in wanting to be authentic and claim my boundaries. I went out to a party last night and for the first time in a long time I felt like it was okay for me to get dressed up the way that felt good to ME and not because of how other people might think I looked. THAT is what it is to be a truly liberated woman!”

Another said that, “it was really nice to hear you say some things that I identify with, especially the fact that if someone is modest or is waiting for the right guy, it doesn’t mean that they’re uncomfortable with their body or sexuality, a prude, or repressed. That’s something I hear a lot, even if it’s not personally directed to me.”

Another young woman said that she was appalled and ashamed by the rude behavior of her fellow students. “I think that your ideas and the points that you made were so interesting, and this has honestly been the first time I’ve actually heard anyone speak of modesty in such a positive light…. It was really comforting to … learn that there are others dealing with this issue as well.”

Yes, and I’m one of them. As the father of a 15-year-old girl, the perfect ending would be that I bought Girls Gone Mild and my child began reading it. I have ordered the book, but it hasn’t arrived. My sneaky plan has yet to be tested.

However, there’s evidence that it could work. The other night, I picked my daughter up from a friend’s house.

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Watched an old movie.”

“Such as?”

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”

The star, Audrey Hepburn, had made a deep impression on my daughter. The actress was beautiful, elegant, graceful.

“And modest?” I suggested.

No response, but no matter. The seed had been planted.

Frank Diamond is a freelance writer in Langhorne, PA.

(To submit an article, click on the ‘In My Opinion’ box on the home page for submission guidelines.)